Did you ever get lost? Did it take a few minutes or days or weeks to find your way home? I used to think that getting lost meant forgetting what time it was, or losing track of my to-do list, or missing an appointment. Now I realize that it means being lost to the greater reality...that the worker at the fast-food restaurant is a human being too. If you are single, it is easy to get lost in day-to-day survival. The problem is, when we don't stop and pay attention to the moment, we can get off our path and miss all the signs and signals for the possibilities for love. In a hurried, worried world, we have become crowded with too much of everything. With too little time and not enough balance, we need to start using a simple word that could begin to put us back on track. What is that word? No. When do we use that word? Try the following: * You have been appointed chairman of a committee at church/school/service organization/social club/etc. because no one else will do it. * Someone gets fired or laid off at work and you are assigned their work load in addition to your own AND your assistant or secretary has taken a long leave. * You are the one who gets stuff done, is always on time, keeps your agreements, and can be counted on for anything...so everyone gives you their stuff to do too. * You are the shoulder everyone leans on, and comes to for advice, counseling, and support, but you don't get paid for it, and in the meantime, no one is helping you with your work or issues. Besides saying "No," what else can you do? Discover and use your boundaries. Interior Boundaries tell you when you are out of balance. They alert you to when you have spent too much time in one area of your life and not enough in another. Pay attention to when you have crossed an interior boundary and not paid attention to your needs. Exterior Boundaries are the boundaries you have in place because you don't let people or places push all your buttons or violate a value that is dear to you. You draw an invisible line that says, "No more," and take responsibility for taking care of yourself. Reactive Boundaries are the boundaries you put in place that take care of you when you can't change how someone is acting, but you can control how you react to them. Saying no and exercising your boundaries keeps you from being hurried and worried. It helps you be more present; more available; more on your path. When you are in touch with what you need and want, you can stay open to who comes your way. You also become more attractive, so you don't have to go chasing after love. You magnetize it to you. |
