Anita had often complained that she attracted men that were not very truthful with her. They had either been unfaithful; lied about their whereabouts or never spoke how they really felt. This had been a problem in her dating experiences that she wanted to change but wasnt sure how to go about it.

When Anita started addressing her patterns and why she kept attracting the same type of men, she realised that she had not been very honest in some areas of her life too. Because she was driven by fear and didnt like expressing her feelings, she tended to go along with situations that she was not happy with. This meant that she wasted a lot of time building relationships with men that in her heart she knew were not right for her.

For example, when Anita started dating Tom she discovered that though she liked him he wasnt someone she would want to settle down with. Rather than being truthful, Anita reasoned that as she enjoyed his company there would be no harm in keeping the relationship going. At times Anita felt pangs of guilt for not being truthful but she was afraid of hurting Tom, especially when he said that he loved her. She also harboured fears about being alone and as she gained a social life with Tom she found it all the more harder to speak up.

For Anita to break her patterns, she needed to address her fears and lack of social interaction. From adolescence to late twenties, Anita had never spent any real quality time being a happy single and was always on the look out for the next guy to make her feel complete. It took some time before Anita finally reached a place where she felt comfortable being single without needing a man to make her feel normal. She also got into a support group where she could practice being honest. It meant learning new skills in expressing her feelings, confronting and saying no to things she was not comfortable living with.

Anita learned that in order to break the cycle of dishonesty in her relationships she had to learn to be truthful in her heart first. As she changed, the type of men she attracted started to as well. Somehow, the men who did not like assertive or congruent behaviour felt the need to withdraw from her company. The personal investment meant that her tastes changed too and she much more enjoyed the company of a man that liked her ability to be real.

Whenever we discover a repetitive pattern of unhealthy dating its important to first take a look and find out what is going on with our attraction beacon. We like what we can relate to the most, so chances are if we learn to fix the parts of us that perpetuate the problem the attraction will disappear. Changing doesnt mean that we will necessarily lose a relationship as our example can influence others to grow with us but there is no guarantee of this. Try not to let this deter you from investing in yourself because life does get better with every advancement in growth.

If you are caught up in a cycle of arguments, fights, stress and worry in your relationships, whether dating or otherwise dont suffer in silence, reach out for help. Check out our website for services or your local yellow pages for help and support.